It’s been over three months since my last blog post! What has changed in my life in the intervening months? I wish I could say that I landed my dream job, I won the lottery, or that I’ve met the man of my dreams, but I’d be lying if I said any one of those things. But I’m left questioning exactly what those things mean, anyway. I feel like those dreams are ideals that society expects me to have, and so I feel pressure to have them, or at least report my “dream status” to you. But, darn it all!, those dreams aren’t really true to my heart anymore.

At Easter, some of my family members came over to the house after church. We shared a delicious meal and afterwards went for a walk along the Cape Cod Canal. Eventually, my work situation came up as a topic of conversation, as it does at most family gatherings. Naturally, I’m sick of this topic. I’m sick of hearing suggestions from well-meaning relatives about what I may be doing wrong in my search, how to better use my talents, and describing to them in detail the number of shifts per week I get at the restaurant and how much I gross in tips. I find this line of questioning offensive for two reasons: first, it’s none of their business, and second, I no longer define my success in the conventional way.

I’ve stopped looking at my current employment situation as a have-not, and begun looking at how God might be using this time in my life to show me more about myself—about the path I’m on and where I want to go. And it’s been quite illuminating! I’m working on a book right now, a project that I feel called to do but wouldn’t have much time for if I was working forty hours a week. I also wouldn’t have time to do as much soul-searching.

Yesterday I went to a women’s conference called Faithlift at Grace Chapel in Lexington, MA. For those of you who may not know, Grace Chapel is one of the few mega-churches of New England, with around 3,000 members. In the morning after the first worship session, all 700 women in attendance dispersed into various workshops. The workshop I attended, First Things First, was about time management and purposeful living. One of the exercises we did in workshop was to begin to create a statement of purpose for our lives, based on our roles and values. I realized that right now, first and foremost, I identify myself as a seeker—not of the Harry Potter Quidditch variety, but as one who seeks the Truth with a capital T.

This search for Truth has been a constant in my life, and I expect it to be a lifelong project; as my life changes and evolves, so does God’s Truth for me. My tools in this mission: a comfy chair, a pen, my journal, The Message//Remix: Solo, an Uncommon Devotional, and prayer. From these things, a picture is starting to take shape in my mind and heart of how God may be calling me to engage my talents in the future. This vision is not a conventional one (I have never been a conventional person—if you don’t believe me ask my mother) and it begins by embracing my life. Exactly as it is.

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