How about instead I blog about my sadly lacking love life? I've only been on a few dates since I forayed my way back into the dating world, but I'm pretty much ready to give up. I've gotten some good conversation and a few good meals out of the process, but in the end I've been served up a great heaping bowl of disappointment. Hence, I've decided to take a break from the dating scene. Hey-- no more dates, no more disappointment. Of course, there's also no room for Mr. Right in this equation, but I seriously doubt whether he even exists at this point.
Instead of focusing my energies on men, I'm going to focus on my career (or lack thereof... Are you noticing a trend yet?). Right now I'm waitressing part-time at a local restaurant, but what I want to do-- for now, anyway-- is to work at a non-profit organization that is actively making a difference in the world for the better. My dream employer is the Heifer Project, an amazing organization that fights world hunger, but their headquarters are in Arkansas, which is a bit of a hike from Massachusetts! I'm also interested in working for the United Methodist Committee on Relief (UMCOR), which has offices in NYC as well as DC. To find jobs closer to home, I'm browsing idealist.org, where I can learn about positions at non-profits I may never have even heard of before!
Before I can apply to any of these places, however, I must revamp my resume. S i g h s . . . I've decided to switch from a chronological to a skills-based format. If I were helping one of my former students with this task, it would have been easy. For my own purposes, though, the editing process is painful! Painful, but unfortunately necessary.
The part of the whole job application process I do not look forward to: the rejection. The majority of the companies I've applied to in this calendar year cannot even be bothered to send me a "sorry, we've chosen someone else" email. And when they do send one of those consolation emails, usually they arrive months after I sent in my application, and usually they contain veiled insults about "more qualified applicants."
So let's count it-- (recent) romance disappointments: 3; career disappointments: 23042374394. That's a whole heck of a lot of disappointment! What's a girl to do? How in tarnation am I supposed to remain hopeful that I'll someday find both a satisfying career and a man?
I bet you thought I had an answer for you. Well, I don't. I'm just doing my best to make it through every day without my fears getting the best of me. This involves a lot of prayer, a lot of journal entries, and a lot of Jungle Jewels. I have to remind myself regularly that God has already given me everything I need to be the person God created me to be. I find myself repeating lyrics to my all-time favorite song, All I Ever Have to Be by Amy Grant: All I ever have to be is what you've made in me. It's a comfort to remind myself that all God expects of me is to be right where I am, in this moment. That makes all these disappointments along the journey seem just a little more manageable. And for now, that's enough.
What a meaningful song.
At the risk of sounding cliche, I'm still gonna say: everything's going to get better. Promise.
I don't know you'll have all your answers right away (and really, what fun would life be if we did?) but the angst, and the 'where do I put all these feelings and emotions' feeling will find its flow out of your mind and soul.
I've come to see my dips, actually, as waves I ride out; I just lay low and grip my blankets a little tighter until 'it' subsides...
Not having all the answers or the things we {think we} want is a least tolerable when that heavy turmoil passes. And it will.
I'm excited about our vaca. Let's keep planning!